The past several days have been a slow blur of rest and momentum, a strange balance of opening and surrender. After my surgery, I felt great. For about a day. By the next afternoon, when I returned home from my brief hospital stay, I was ready for rest. And rest I did. I slept, I sat reading in bed, I barely ate, and I took a lot of ibuprofen.
I'm not, by nature, a person who sits still.
It isn't that I have a grudge against sitting, or resting, or slowing down. It's that my breakneck pace of racing from one thing to another has been a means of survival for all of my 30 years. I've been accused of not caring, as I put one project or relationship to bed quickly and move on to the next big thing. It's not that I don't care, or that these parts of my life do not matter to me. I've just built a resistance to slowing down.
Which sometimes means I also miss out on savoring the moment.
I have felt, for a while, a bit of stagnation. In my personal and creative life, in my work, in my thinking. I've struggled to really know and own the source of this, but like water in a still pond, things have been covered in muck and a bit smelly. Rather than shake up the pond, or drain it completely, I've been avoiding the stench. Working on other things, finding other interests and excitements, and generally not showing up to what is causing a huge stain in my world.
So imagine my surprise when, unexpected by me, slowing down to recover from surgery actually caused the stagnant pond to shift.
I started to feel movement. I started to feel alive.
It was a quiet shift: for days, I slept and rested and didn't do much talking. Then, without warning, I wanted to go for a walk. I needed to go for a walk. I made it onto my front porch, enjoying the heat and sun for an hour, and on coming back inside slept for another five hours. Progress does not always move forward, it seems, but it does move. The next day, I felt even more energy, and actually did make that walk.
And I started creating. I've been working on some new services and offerings, and this quiet period has given me new perspectives on how to make these things even more aligned with my values and my path. I've been working on a new website that I am so thrilled to unveil when it is ready. And I've been scheduling interviews for episodes of In Her Room -- can you believe I'm working on shows for October through December?
There is revolution is slowing down.
For me, taking a week entirely off from my business -- no answering emails, no writing blog posts, no thinking about products and strategies -- actually gave me more energy and space for growing my work. For stepping into the next phase of my work. For gaining insight and clarity about my process, my practice, and my path moving forward. Paired with some good jazz by great women, I haven't felt this excited about my work in a while.
And this enthusiasm, paired with profound gratitude and confident humility, feels pretty damn amazing.
I'm ready to start showing up to my life.
How about you?