Follow Your Heart and Live in Truth

I was so caught up in launching the presale for my next workshop, Blossom from the Heart {registration begins Wednesday!}, yesterday that I completely forgot to write a "Strategy Sundays" post! But when I woke up this morning, I knew exactly what I needed to write to cover this week's "Strategy Sundays" and "Money Mondays" posts, so here goes.

Follow Your Heart

On Tuesday, it will be three weeks since The Big Change.

In this time I have: screamed, cried, laughed, wept, packed up all I own, moved, sold stuff, put things in storage, given away things I thought I loved, sorted my clothes, biked a lot, forgotten to eat, forgotten to drink, eaten too much, cooked really rich and delicious food, kissed friends, considered lovers, had tea, made plans, changed plans, gotten stuck, slid down a hill, fallen down, brushed myself off, made new friends, consumed good wine, played with dogs and cats, fed fish, journalled, read books, longed for a lighter computer, longed for a faster computer, carried my computer across town and back {on said bicycle}, watched television, watched movies, watched friends blossom into their personal truth, said "I love you," said "I hate you," said nothing at all.

And every morning I wake up thinking I haven't done enough, haven't said enough, haven't made enough plans, haven't earned enough money, haven't sent enough emails, haven't written enough words, haven't pasted enough secret messages into my journal, haven't taken enough photographs, haven't biked far enough, haven't made myself clear enough, haven't challenged myself enough ... I wake up thinking {though not always consciously} that I am not enough.

How will I know when it is enough? How will I know when I am enough?

In my yoga practice, I am not focused on the mastery of an asana. I have always believed that, if I were to reach a state of "success" or completion in a posture, I would stop growing. If I thought I had mastered it, I could no longer learn from it. In my challenge to bring this awareness to my life off the mat, I find that I am constantly pushing myself to learn, to do, to be more. And this is losing sight of the truth in my heart.

I AM ENOUGH.

I am always enough. Enoughness comes from a place in our heart. A place where we can find the peace to recognize our abilities, the strength to know when we can work harder, and the courage to accept when we have done all we can. I've spent the last three weeks trying to do more, forcing my strength to run in circles and crawl through very tiny spaces. I've spent the last three weeks weakening my own powers. Because I thought I needed more.

I woke up this morning with a migraine. I'd been hiding {read:ignoring} it for three days, though the things I did talk about were pretty good indicators {lack of sleep, restlessness, grumpiness, fatigue, blurry vision, etc}. After three days of fighting {read:ignoring} my body, it finally took over. And I am so grateful. In lieu of getting up at 5am {when I woke} and going running, writing morning pages, showering, writing a bunch of half-baked emails and never sending them, sorting through another box of stuff, having breakfast, making tea, petting kitties, obsessively checking my twitter feed, and a million other things I would normally do, I stayed in bed. I even slept a little, in between listening to Morning Edition and dreaming about truth-tellers and gypsies.

Live In Truth

Since The Big Change, I've not been living my truth. I have readily admitted to being in pure "crisis management" mode these past few weeks, simply getting shit sorted and focused and trying to determine the next right course of action. But in that determination I succumbed to obsession, to constantly forcing myself to make choices when I wasn't ready to do so. I was always willingly making those choices, and fully conscious of the decision-making, but I wasn't fully connected to my truth.

My Truth

After having decided a month ago that I wasn't going to launch Blossom from the Heart this year, that I didn't have the time or the mental capacity to do it, I checked in with myself. I listened to my heart. And I discovered my truth:

Teaching, nurturing, witnessing -- this is my sacred path and my true work.

If I succumb to the doubts that say I am not enough, if I let the fears and the challenges and the ridiculous complications keep me from releasing my true work in the world, then I'm not only lying to myself, but to each of you. As a person who expects to be transparent, to show her alignment {words, thoughts, actions} as an example that it is possible, then I must be clear about this fear and doubt. I have no idea what the future will bring. And today, and maybe even tomorrow, I am not able to make a decision about that future. I have pushed, bullied even, my heart into smaller and narrower places. I've given in to panic while looking totally sane. And today, and maybe even tomorrow, I'm not letting that continue. I am releasing the panic {this will likely bring on more panic, but I'm ready}. I am releasing the fear of the unknown future.

And I am NOT letting the stressful voices of naysayers {in my head, in my heart, in my world} keep me from doing my truest work.

Blossom from the Heart begins on March 19th. It's a six week course for anyone who wants to bring their creativity forward, from the seed of our hearts into the bright beautiful world. You don't have to be a writer. Or a painter. Or a photographer. You don't even have to call yourself creative. This workshop is about honoring the spark, the beginning of something inside each of us. Using writing exercises, weekly projects, and adventures of the most awesome sort we travel through the body, honing our attention and sending it focused into the place where all creativity lives. For me, I am so excited to be engaging with this work again, finding myself with new eyes and ears attuned to the magic of nurturing our spirits. I am just as excited to work through this workshop alongside each participant as I am to present the work, to share the knowledge I've gained, and to bring a new cohort of creative souls through the forest.

I don't do this work for the money. I don't teach to pay the bills.

I teach because it is the work of my heart. It is my truth.

Today, waking up with a migraine but honoring my heart and my truth, I am releasing "enoughness." I am releasing the fears around the bills, around the challenges, around all the uncertainty. I am letting go, so that I don't hold on so tightly I lose sight of the real wisdom.

How will you follow your heart and live in truth today?