Love Letter #61: Breathe Into My Hands

This Autumn, I’m writing a series of love letters: to the Universe, to myself, to friends and family, to strangers. Sometimes these are public, and sometimes private, but always from the heart. Here is today’s letter.

You are an unexpected surprise. In the most delightful {and yet completely unexpected} way. Your tenderness crept into my heart like mist from an Autumn sunrise across the lake of my childhood home, when the whispers of whiteness rose from the water in silent prayer. Slowly, without knowing, my heart cracked open to you. And here we are.

It's all so new and, at the same time, familiar. Your kisses are like falling into a cloud. I find myself pausing, as I make tea or ride my bike or jump into a pile of leaves, and wondering what are you doing, right now? and as if I had called you on the phone your heart answers mine working...walking the dog...thinking of you. Your generosity astounds me. I am speechless, not out of disconnect or of ungratefulness, but in awe: I don't know how to receive kindness such as yours.

I am really good at rushing things. I am brilliant at setting off emotional fireworks, watching the show in wonder, and then being thoroughly confused when all that remains is ash falling in the darkness. It's not just my pattern, it's my MO. A year ago, I decided to learn patience, to learn how to date, how to linger, how to remember the pause between the exhale and the next breath and to rest there. It's never been so easy as with you. I find my breathing even, deep, nourishing. I find it easy to curl up against your chest and be quiet, at peace.

I could create so many reasons this won't work. I'm an excellent rationalizing force. But why? It would injure your heart, and further close off mine. Perhaps, instead of looking at all the things that could go wrong, I'll look at what goes well. Here are some of my observations: * Our bodies fit together like a well-made puzzle. I know this, after only sitting next to you on the sofa. * Animals are important. As friends and companions. For us both. * You cause me to laugh, and when I laugh it is with my entire being. * We share a love of cooking together, of enjoying good food, and of savoring the moments. * Your honesty is without measure. You have an authentic soul. * You see me. And I see you.

I've always been a planner {it's the Capricorn in me}. I've always had a trajectory, a line charted across the map of time where each relationship will begin, and end, and stops along the way. Let me sink into the experience of you, and share the journey, like a well-played road trip, with good music, good company, and no destination but to sit side-by-side.

Let me show you the inside of my heart, and witness you as you have done me.

From this moment, to the next, and the one after that, me

{want to read more in this series? click here.}