Quietude

The house is silent, save for my fingers on these tiny black keys. Outside, I hear the gentle crunch of leaves as they land upon each other; the thick thud of black walnuts landing on the grass, the garden, the cars; the murmurs of spanish and english and arabic from the restaurant behind my home.

Occasionally, a cat will come thundering through the hallway to reach the back of the apartment, leap onto and off of the chair in my space, and race helter-skelter back to the front room. And then, silence.

I'm settling deeply into this quiet. I am making space in my heart for the silence to welcome, to not fight for noise and static but to close the doors and windows {for just a little bit} and let the echoes of nothing ring softly against the walls of my mind.

This is the moment. Now.

I have so many choices to make. Most of them are very hard. Today, I am resting in those choices. They bounce through my body, from my toes to my gray hairs, each bringing it's own ideas and opportunities and challenges to my day. How do I find the answers? How do I make the right decisions? How do I know where to step? And what do I do when I fall {because I know I will}?

From the outside, so many of us look fine. We're happy, we're smiling, we say we are okay. We don't let others in when they ask, "How are you?" -- because we don't know if they actually want to hear. So many of us have one, or maybe two, people in our lives we can really open up to, can really tell the stories of our lives.

When we have only one or two people, we are guarded. And in that way, we are disconnected.

What would happen if we told the truth when someone asks, "How are you?"

What would happen if honestly was the only way we could speak?

I have made the decision to answer honestly. To all questions. I am facing a crisis of truth. And in this way, I am growing beyond all imagination. I am learning and self-facing and determining that who I am is not who I once was. And who I will be is still a mystery. But in this moment, in the quiet of my apartment with the golden sun and the sparkling leaves, truth is what matters most. Honestly, it is all that matters.

What is your truth? And honestly, how are you?

{I'd like to share in your honesty. If you're interested, join myself and some amazing guest teachers for Travelling the Deep. It begins 31 October.}