reconciliation

I've finally come to the place where I need to accept a fundamental truth about myself. It's not that I couldn't go on living in denial {because I could}, but I think that accepting this truth would make my heart a bit more calm and the bring some synthesis to my scattered brain. See, it's actually this synthesis that is part of the challenge.

When things are really quite clear:

I am not a synthesized person.

I am not a one-size-fits-all. I'm not even a one thing at a time. I am seventeen different directions at once. I am law school and writer and editor and non-profit coworking space and literary magazine and photographer and dreamer and schemer and telephone user. I am an activist and a fighter.

I am all these things at the same time. And somehow, I am finally learning to be okay with this.

I always felt like I wasn't focused, like I was a starter but not a do-er, like I could never finish anything I started. But when I tried to focus on one thing at a time I lost interest. But if I had two, or three, or four things going simultaneously, I could keep my interest in each of them by adequately monitoring my time and attention and also rotating between them all.

So when I have these wild-ass, crazy ideas about real things that I want to make happen, I always have to fight against the "one thing" mentality. The American society isn't built for brains like mine, the ones with so many plates spinning even Kali couldn't hold them all. But still I work on it. Still I keep going. Still I have the ideas and the plans.

This time it's different, though. This time, I'm not going to berate myself for having many plans and goals. This time I am not going to feel bad for wanting to make awesome things happen.

And so, in the midst of re-building my business, applying to law school, and waitressing several nights a week, I have decided to move forward on a crazy-big dream I have had for a few years now: a non-profit, wildly-available, low-cost coworking space. This space will have room for several individuals to work simultaneously, there will be some computers with specialty software (Photoshop, etc) available for use, there will be space for teaching workshops and group experiences, and it will be centrally located in/near downtown Madison. And the non-profit part? I want the place to be able to turn around and bring in teachers from all over to share their talents and skills with those who use the space. Additionally, I want to be able to have local teachers share their skills and talents with individuals at low-cost/free events for the public.

And I have no idea how I am going to make this happen. But I am.

Because part of being a crazy entrepreneur is leaping and figuring out the landing on the way down. It is having a wild-ass idea and making the details work as you go along. And I am pretty fucking excellent at that.

So, now it's out there.

I welcome any resources you might have: about building non-profits, about creating coworking spaces, about furniture or computers or printers or software you have access to. Feel free to leave a comment here, or send me an email.

What is your crazy dream? And how can you make it happen?