Truth-Telling Tuesdays: Maybe, Baby?

When I first saw Randi's tweet about a program for discussing "the big question" {having children}, I started crying. At the time, I had been struggling with some major sexuality issues, many of which surrounded being a mother and bearing children. I was single {but sort-of dating}, I was confused, and I really needed some guidance and wisdom to help figure out an issue I didn't know I had. And then came Maybe Baby*.

I hadn't really thought about journeying trough the decision of having children. I'd been with partners in the past who wanted children, partners who had children, and partners who were terrified of children {so forget having them!}. I'd always just gone along with whatever my partner's preference regarding children was, and not thought about it twice. I was a step-mother for a year while with a woman who had a four-year-old daughter. It was the first time I really "parented," and it was an adventure. One I loved. But the next girlfriend, she started talking about having kids within three weeks of dating. I got a little panicked {and know it was a huge part of our breakup}.

Making the personal decision about children isn't easy for us as women. It's an expectation. And if we don't have that inclination, something *must* be wrong with us, right? Well, no. Bringing a child into the world, making that choice to be ultimately responsible for a human life, is a HUGE decision. And knowing what your personal choice is, regardless of anyone else's decision, is really important. Life-critical, actually.

When I started Maybe Baby, I didn't have a clue what would happen. Then I entered a relationship, stopped seeing someone else casually, got really serious about my business, and moved house. All within a month. I recognize that being open to the questions, to the raw truth that Randi is offering in Maybe Baby made it possible for all this to happen. Don't get me wrong: this was one of the most challenging months of my life. And honestly, Maybe Baby fell to the wayside.

But when I returned, after a wee bit of settling, I was just as ready as ever. I just couldn't talk about it. I quietly lurked through all the posts, the interviews, the discussions. I journalled about the process daily {when no one was around}. I struggled. I cried. I screamed. I loved myself.

The questions, the tools that Randi offers in Maybe Baby* aren't just useful for deciding on children. They are skills that have helped me refine my business offerings, resolves challenges in my relationships, and mend pieces of my heart. I've grown, I've ached, I've blossomed. And I have a much better idea of who I am and where I want to go on this journey.

And yes, I have made peace with the Maybe Baby? question. And it feels so good.